My partner Margie and I are sitting in a Starbucks at the Phoenix airport waiting for our flight back to San Luis Obispo.  It’s been an action-packed trip. Yesterday I drove south from Sedona to Phoenix and spent another afternoon with my birth mother Maya, half sisters Ruth and Katie, their daughters (my nieces!) Kailin and Amy, and Ruth’s husband Dave.

It would be impossible to chronicle the events of both meetings with Maya.  But I did get some questions answered.  A couple of weeks ago I posted a list of questions I had for her, and here they are – with at least partial answers.

Did you hold me after I was born?  No

Did I stay in the hospital alone for any length of time waiting for my adoptive parents?  Lots of drugs involved in my delivery and no clear memory of the day.

What did my adoptive parents say to you before leaving with me?  See above – drugs and no clear memory of any conversation with Carol and Del.

Did you have any communication with my adoptive parents after that fateful day in the hospital? None

Did your parents know about me?  No, she never told them – but her children (my half sibs Ruth, Katie and Geoffrey) knew about me all of their lives.

Did you ever try to find me?  Evidently Maya played out the fantasy of searching for me with Ruth and Katie many times but always concluded it might be a disruption to my life and information my adoptive parents would not want me to know (an understatement!).

What did you do in the months following my birth?  Maya stayed in Southern California and acted with a Pasadena acting company.  She eventually acquired an agent, which led to professional photo shoots, which led to a “Miss Palm Springs” coronation – a fact that 8-year-old Kailin proudly reported to me at brunch.

Ethel’s Questions:

How did you feel when I first made contact with you? (frightened, apprehensive, relieved, happy etc) It was months after I sent Maya that first letter before she called. My half-sister Ruth recalled, “I picked up the phone one day and mom was on the line sobbing and saying ‘I was sorting through mail I hadn’t opened and….it’s her Ruth….she’s contacted me…what do I do now?’”  Ruth said, “Well hang up the phone mom and call her!”  Which is what Maya did.  From Ruth’s description I would say a combination of all the above came up for Maya: fear, apprehension, relief and joy.

How do you feel now that we’ve met in person?  After both meetings (6/1 and 6/6) Maya grabbed my face and plumped up my cheeks saying, “I feel like we’ve known each other all our lives!”  Okay Maya here comes a boundary: easy on the slobbery lip kisses.

Now that we’ve spent some time together, do I remind you of anyone in the family?  Ruth and Kaitlin, my two half sisters, remarked as we were melting by the pool in our last hour together in the hot Phoenix afternoon air, “You and Maya have so many mannerisms in common!”  Here is the short list:  Maya is a fanatic about getting her fruits and veggies (and with Kailin getting hers) and is very holistic in her approach to health. Maya has a ‘thang’ about taking food off of other’s plates to ‘taste’ (someone actually mentioned this trait of mine at Margie’s and my commitment ceremony, so characteristic is this behavior of me).  We chew similarly. We both seem to be spiritual seekers. We both have a tendency to pontificate. We both seem to be open, non-dogmatic.  We both play music by ear.  We will both work hard to qualify our loved ones for helpful government programs!

Likewise, I have the ‘math’ gene like Maya’s father and brother, who were both chemists.  (I teach chemistry.)

Actually one of Maya’s first comments upon meeting me was, “You sure look a lot like your father Donald,”  to which I replied, “Don’t throw me a right hook Maya!”

Over the years…what did you tell your other kids, husbands, family, friends about my birth?  All of Maya’s children (Katie, Geoff and Ruth) and her ex-husband knew about me “since they could remember”.  As far as I could tell, Maya was forthcoming about all the details leading up to and following my birth with everyone except for her parents (whom she never told) and her brother.